P4
Script recording
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1UKoVbM6XHGkgrU4YMh6ZaO0fQD7ia606
Feedback from peers
Final product
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1UKoVbM6XHGkgrU4YMh6ZaO0fQD7ia606
Feedback from peers
Peer Script Feedback
Script: Barry and Bill
What was the state of
grammar? Please add page numbers to your feedback.
Nothing was wrong with the grammar
used in this script, but there was nothing that stood out as a great use.
|
What was the state of
punctuation? Please add page numbers to your feedback.
The punctuation was also fine but not
great, only good.
|
What was the state of
formatting? Please add page numbers to your feedback.
There were no errors in the formatting
of this script.
|
What changes do you think
need to be made to the action (such as character introductions, location, mood
and atmosphere of scene, clarity of story)?
Not many, though the settings should
have more description.
|
What changes do you think
need to be made to the dialogue?
More confusion when Bill starts
talking.
|
What changes would you
make to the story?
Not many changes would be made except
using some more interesting adjectives and verbs etc.
|
What changes would you
make to the characters?
Make the audience feel that Barry is
actually sad about the fact that his family were murdered.
|
Peer Script Feedback
Script: Barry and Bill
What was the state of
grammar? Please add page numbers to your feedback.
There were no problems with the
grammar.
|
What was the state of
punctuation? Please add page numbers to your feedback.
It was well punctuated with no
mistakes.
|
What was the state of
formatting? Please add page numbers to your feedback.
I thought that it was well formatted
and there were no errors with the formatting
|
What changes do you think
need to be made to the action (such as character introductions, location, mood
and atmosphere of scene, clarity of story)?
I think the action was well written
although in some places there could have been more detail for example at the
end when the house blows up, it is very abrupt and could have had some more
detail to it
|
What changes do you think
need to be made to the dialogue?
I think most of the dialogue was well
written although some interactions felt unrealistic such as when the car
salesman sells the car to Barry in a couple of minutes
|
What changes would you
make to the story?
I think the story was written well.
|
What changes would you
make to the characters?
I think the characters were written
well and were well introduced.
|
My modified final script (30/01/19)
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